REAL WORLD REFLECTIONS
11/11/02

This has been a busy few weeks for me, hence the sparse updates. But just because I love doing it every once in a while and because it's my damn corner, I now present for your reading pleasure...

TREVOR'S REAL WORLD REFLECTIONS!

- Okay, why is it that at every concert you go to, there's always a bunch of retards at the show who feel the uncontrollable urge to sing along? I mean, honestly. I didn't spend my hard earned cash to hear you sing, I came to hear the artist sing. What do these people hope to accomplish by this? "Oh, maybe Quiet Riot will ask me to join the band because I know all the songs!" For God's sake people, unless the artist specifically asks you to sing along (Ben Folds is notorious for this), keep a lid on it. Save it for the shower.

- Speaking of concerts, if you're at a concert, I don't care how overtaken by the music and the moment you are, if you start jumping around like an idiot and you're anywhere but a mosh pit, you're gonna get decked. If I'm at the concert, I'll see to it personally.

- Am I the only one who bought the Spider-Man DVD and first thing watched the Kirsten Dunst wet t-shirt scene frame-by-frame? Forget Citizen Kane, that is a great moment in film right there.

- What exactly is a homonym?

- Is it just me, or are prime time cartoons not really all that funny anymore? I mean, I catch old Simpsons and King of the Hill re-runs and they're hilarious, but the new stuff is just crap. What the hell happened?

- I don't watch TV much anymore just because it's all horrible, but I was at my buddy Brad's house on Wednesday and caught a re-run of the Election Day episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Three words: Ta-Daa Ballot. If you can get a hold of the tape for this show, watch it. I've not laughed that hard since the last MC Hammer comeback bid.

- How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?

- There is no bigger idiot on TV than Phil Simms. The moment I hear a guy say Dan Marino was the "most mobile QB in NFL history" (and yes, that's a direct quote), he loses any and all credibility instantly. Plus, every other sentence out of his mouth is a contradiction, either on itself or on something he mentioned earlier. I mean, I could do his job and make less of an ass of myself on national television.

- Also, speaking of idiots, whatever happened to David Arquette? Did somebody finally realize that the man CANNOT ACT? Oh, THAT was a hard revelation to come to! Let's see, the man's biggest claim to fame is his wife (Friend and former hottie Courteney Cox). Shouldn't that be a big tipoff?

- If the majority of college girls were half as intelligent as they were attractive, I'd never come home.

- Have you ever noticed that 49ers linebacker Derek Smith's face always looks like it's about to cave in? I can't stand to look at this man on the sidelines for more than a few seconds before turning away. Like he just got hit in the face with a 2x4. Yich.

- So I was cleaning my ears this morning, and the Q-Tips box said "Do not insert into ear canal."

Well what ELSE am I gonna do with a Q-Tip?? Suggested uses include: hygiene (I assume they mean besides ears. What do they think I'm gonna do with it, use it to apply my deodorant??) and arts and crafts (apparently Q-Tip has confused itself with popsicle sticks). What a load.

- Remember that peanut butter and jelly crap that all came in the same jar? What was that stuff CALLED? Goober, right? Well between that and Frankenfurter, eating was a very dangerous proposition in the 80s.

*Trevor's Corner would like to offer mad props to offical Friend of Trevor's Corner Amy Chastain for unearthing the name Goober.

- Y'know what I really hate though? Sports columnists who use their spaces as forums to bitch about what's going on in the rest of the world. It's like c'mon, get to the SPORTS already!

LAST THREE GAMES

Trevor's Corner has taken a bit of hiatus, and in that time, the 49ers offense has finally rediscovered itself. In the last three games, the Niners are averaging 26 points and 371 yards per game. The team is putting points on the board and winning battles, and it's been great to watch.

The key to the offense's turnaround has been the overwhelmingly good play of Jeff Garcia. He has made damn near every play he's had to in the biggest situations, with both his arm and his legs. He is winging the ball downfield with ease, hitting his receivers in stride, managing the game very well, and generally playing like one of the top five QBs in the NFL, which he is. No, he aint pretty, but no one's better suited to run this offense.

Though the stats point to a marked defensive improvement from the 49ers, one must take into account the 49ers' opponents' inability to get back on the field. The 49ers have been absolutely dominating time of possession battles. Against the Chiefs, the 49ers held the ball for 38:34. Against the Raiders, the 49ers held the ball for the final 30 plays of the game, a stat that has been uttered many a time in the last week or so. Rather than playing half the game, like the defense would in a standard game, the defense has been on the field abou 1/3 of the game. And while that might not seem much, it's actually a difference of ten minutes of on-field time. And that's big. It limits the other teams' scoring chances and it keeps the D's legs fresh.

Not to say that there aren't problems. Garrison Hearst and Kevan Barlow have been slowed the last couple weeks, and need to step up their production. And the Chiefs game featured a couple coaching miscues that should be addressed. But all in all, things are looking up in Ninertown.

NEXT WEEK'S GAME

The San Diego Chargers come into this week's Week 11 matchup with the 49ers reeling, having lost their last two games. This is a game the Bolts need to win to keep their season on track. They opened with a 6-1 record, largely brought on by a dominant defense and improved offensive line play to keep reigning rookie of the year LaDanian Tomlinson going.

But in recent weeks, the Chargers' defense has been exposed for its vulnerability to the pass, as the 400+ yard passing day by St. Louis' Mark Bulger showed. You know Terrell Owens and Jeff Garcia are licking their chops at game film of this team.

Offensively, San Diego's entire scheme is built around Tomlinson, which works. And works well. Problem is, though Drew Brees is a more than capable QB, his best receiving threat is none other than Curtis Conway. Yes, THAT Curtis Conway. And while he's having a pretty decent season (642 receiving yards and 5 TDs through 9 games), he's no Terrell Owens. In fact, the Chargers' passing offense is ranked 31st in the league, ahead of only the Houston Expansion Team With A Rookie QBs.

The 49ers need to simply jump on the Chargers. Get up by a couple of touchdowns, and then stack the line and force Brees to beat them through the air. I predict Hearst and Barlow get back on track in this game as San Francisco uses them to grind out yardage. Niners win.

Oh, this is so embarassing. Okay guys, the reason there's no Madden Simulator is because... um...

because...

Cripes. Look, I can't find my copy of Madden 2003!

I don't know what happened to it, I just bought a copy of Robotech: Battlecry (great game, incidentally) and set Madden aside and now I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN THING! Oy.

Look, I'll try and find it this week and barring all else, I'll go out and rent it for the Madden Sim next week. Yes, I will rent a game I already own just so you people can read the Madden Sim, alright? Alright.